13 February 2005--Musings

Well, I have not exactly been able to be the great reader about all sorts of cool things that will put me on the road of being a really good friend to all of the people I have sought to make into friends. I must admit, it has not been easy to overcome the fact that I have a wife whose life has been so hard that the cortisol hormone that regulates how to respond to stress ('fight or flight') is completely wacked out. It is 4:10 a.m. 4:10 AM! Every day is like this! This is nuts! I'm not about to let Gail fight this out alone, that would be like a betrayal. So my body clock is all messed up. I just don't know when this will end, but it is maddening. I rarely ever get up before 11 a.m., usually our day begins after 12 noon. Without health insurance, it is just not possible to truly find out what is happening with her, but she has done enough research online with WebMD to find that it is not funny. I need to make money, but getting the opportunities I have to bear fruit is something I can't seem to do. No matter how I plan, who I contact, what great ideas I have, what jobs I pursue, what business program I employ, if people aren't going to buy, I'm sunk. And if I can never get away enough from the latest emergency going on in my house long enough to work without interruption, I can't pursue the very thing that I need to have---paying customer/clients. It's a great motivation to develop a prayer life, because things aren't working at all.

Well, enough of that positive message! I'm hopefully going to go to a movie premiere on Tuesday, an advance showing of 'Constantine.' I don't know. Gail hates graphic scenes of devils and demons and raw violence. She's got a point---what you take in, has a way of staying in, and affecting what comes out. Still, it's a first-run movie, with interesting elements to the plot, I understand. And because I'm a blogger, it's for free.

I am going to do some new things in the next couple of days. I'll see how they work. I'm still gleaning new blogging ideas. One guy named Gavin has the coolest way of archiving his messages, on a sidebar by his own customized topic lines. I will see if blogger will let me do the same. And his themes range all the way from Eminem to Bible theology to stem cell research to Al Qaeda terrorists' interrogations by American military personnel (Did the world treat the U.S. forces fairly in Abu Ghraib?). But while I want to help and inform people, I need to make money. So, I guess that comes first. I know it doesn't look good for an ordained minister to say that. But I would have to say to those in the Christian church who would criticize: "Where were you when I needed the financial support? Try, "NOT THERE!"

Well, I'm gone. I'll be back, hopefully later today. Adios.